journaler's note 4.06.2006 00:27

the following is a snippet from a letter written to a friend:

"my first 6 years were in hollywood,fla.. so many italians, but you knew that part. i remember stabbing one kid in the foot because he collapsed my hole in the lutheren kindegarden. then due west, sc and erskine college and a town of dysfunctionality and my first kiss. we had wild boars and escaped felons. mom had me hold a shotgun pistol while dad got the laundry. then there was nashville, tn with st bernard academy where mom was gone for what was then a long time and it was just dad and me and i couldn't walk home. there were tunnels downstairs and i played in them. even got trapped in an elevator. next were two homes in chapel hill, nc. one was in a little valley with a great collie. i got to play outside a lot and collect pop bottles for icees. then we moved to a bigger house where i had crystal radios to listen to. i went to st thomas moore with more nuns. then was d matt thompson. i still see don and linda and steve from there. you and i met when oakwood and d matt students went to sr high. we both went to college, i went to app state and you went north to (???) and you were best man at the wedding. cat still swears that you were trying to talk me out of it."

author's note 4.05.2006 21:28

one tree hill had two fantastic quotes from steinbeck tonight. almost synchronous. as much as i'd like to emulate him, the need to remain absolutely accurate has obscured my ability to use clear metaphors with his precision. he is so economical in description that you never wander far from the next level before coming back to his point. just a casual saunter up the rise. the chapel is just a slow walk from the lilacs. a two line haiku. short meters.

we all respond to certain rhythyms. steinbeck just knew how to extend them to a saunter instead of a drumming beat. for that we can relax.

journaler's notes 4.05 21:14

digging through his notes i've uncovered something everyone else has overlooked: he is responsible for a daughter. in addition to being the only close family his mother has he is also secondary physical custodian of his daughter. he must either be found competent to handle his affairs and therefore his judgements sound or his judgements unsound and his affairs to be handled by another.

a great friend contacted him last night, and it was just like he was here when peyton's show was on tonight.

maybe the real time events of having to care for his mother, required enrollment in medicare part d (deadline may 15th) facilitated by his separation agreement and ability to care for his daughter will focus his caregivers on the need for him to become a functioning member of society quickly.

journaler's notes 4.05.2006 17:47

he wasn't present for the meeting with his therapist so i went instead, accompanying his mother. i passed on his note to the psychriatrist about his reaction to the medication and contribution to this blog. i also read his notes on his expectations when living at home. he also had bought jellybeans.

nothing was resolved on thhe issues he would have brought up. once a decision point was reached there wasn't a commitment. walls were seen rather than challenges. opportunities for sharing went unused.

the visit did provide an insight for me. the patient ruminated about on slipstreaming, reshaping everything he saw. he saw it in how busineeses closed or moved based on traffic flow. how houses got fenced in and windows boarded up. how buildings replaced reception desks with empty lobbies and telephones. how businesses cater to what moves quicker not what always moves.

he obsessed over physical form where the head (thought) was smaller than the chest (heart) and smaller than the stomach (gut), implying an imbalanced priority decision system. it would resemble the aerodynamic form of a snowman or weeble.

if he felt so much pressure to slipstream, maybe he just side-stepped it ...

i'll be posting from his bio and notes.