journal 4.14.2006 22:55

it all depends upon a willow wand
such a slender lever

balance 4.14.2006 11:50

simple truths revealed

the child who was inquisitive, always asked for permission, always told "angota, shimeo"

was left alone, confused and aimless.

he was never 'sick' in the classic term. somehow he became chemically challenged through nature or nurture into a cycle of too much serotonin driving a compulsive need to please someone else. he was faced with cognative dissonance. since he could not understand what that someone else wanted it became the classic case of teasing the horse with a carrot to pull the wagon. at no time did the horse think to just stop. nowhere inside was the sense of satisfaction.

gyroscopes instanciate two of newton's principles simultaneously: an object at rest tends to stay at rest, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. living things are like that. reports say that serotonin controlling meds are like that, refining pathways of distribution. even lithium is said to re-establish the biological clock.

think of what it would take to correct this by oneself. literally you would have to start by looking in a mirror, just like alice did. stick out her left arm. which one is it ? see, it's not easy making the reversal.

once the awareness comes it's accompanied by history. what's happened up until now. and facing that. echoes. and the need to set it right. unfortunately there's usually a mess there. especially since everything was slipstreamed, not individualized. even more traumatic is that reopening the case in order to make a clean final closure necessary for survival will hurt someone beyond their capacity to handle.

it will take soloman's wisdom to act in that situation.

patient's notes 4.14.10:00

walking outside is now holding the mirror behind me, reminding me to always be aware of what the past casts shadows of. echoes.

notes 4.14.2006 12:26

explanations are as akin to reasons as individuals are to characters
as living to acting out
as focusing to depicting

notes 4.14.2006 09:00

it's all about how we operate within our tolerance and acceptance limits. just like an atom's valence. we allow the action or event to unfold within a certain scope until *ping* it hits the boundary and then it triggers a rebound process back into an event (acting out). the harder and faster the event pushes the greater the gyroscopic forces build, precessing frantically toward stability it can never find (unipolar). this continues indefinitely, with the player moving the event back into play *ping*, possibly faulting *tilt* or mistaking - game over.