legal discovery

 

living at home

 

disclaimer from the author, james

remember this is a work of fiction. there is a journaler and a patient writing here (so far). details from the real world are used to spark imagination. any conclusions you draw are your responsibility.

posting scheduled

i've made myself a commitment to update this journal daily or the equivalent. the patient deserves it. his input as well as my obervations will be included and the appropriate family, heathcare and legal authorities will be notified that this journal exists for their reference.

enabler

it's become obvious to the patient that he's become an enabler to his mother. by becoming an enabler for her he has been disabling himself. as an observer i can't stop that cycle. his doctors should. soon. legal counsellors and family won't.

distress

the patient is preserverating on his stomach distress since he's seeing the doctor tomorrow. he's going to ask for a tryptophan load test and ask if his hypothesis about agitated serotonin levels caused gastric disturbances could be correct.

cognative dyslexia

i've never seen or used this term before but it seems to fit. i'm using it to describe a state the patient reports as the inability (1) to think forward (2) the inability to take a congnative symbol (idea, picture, sound) and re-express it into an equivalent. this can be tested against the patient's audio (hearing), achievement and intelligence tests. of course diagnosis due to successful therapy is very useful here as well.

on a further note, the patient wants to express some symptoms. he feels pressure "expanding outward" in his skull as if "the circuits are being forcibly rewired". with all the seratonin controlling meds it's no wonder that these sensations are present throughout his body. however his report of pressure in the base of his skull remains unexplained.

acting out

one problem with resolving an issue from looking at the result is that it encourages "acting out". by creating encounters the patient is rewarded with evidence to further his proof. in particular with cognative dyslexia can "see" the object and explain the "what" he sees, he cannot explain the "why" of what he does. by acting out he draws the issue to a conclusion where he can then reiterate through the results and form hypothesis.

since all his motive are reasonable and he is forthright in his approach, most will find his honesty as disarming and let him proceed. but his pattern of behaviour warrants further scrutiny and observation. especially the repeated events which could be easily interpreted as a cry for help.

update 3.30.2006

the patients condition is fairly simple but it's hard to remain unemotionally touched. he's cognitively dyslexic, that is he confuses ideas or symbols. he was tested early for his unspecific responses to audio prompts. while he could identify the iconic representation, he could not formulate an appropriate response for it. this was repeatable later in a pitch pattern test administered at bowman grey.

again, these tests were not sufficient to raise more than a doubt about appropriateness, but if they had been explored deeper they would have shown invaluable results.

for example, the patient is able to reason backwards. he plans the future by analyzing the results of his actions rather than looking foward to the possibilities. this is an important distinction. in order to explain this pardon this digression...

today everything is geared toward the average. everything supports the reasonable, prudent course of action. that is the norm, that is acceptable. however nature rewards the successful, that is called evolution. however arrived at, man is a complex being far removed from the abilities of other life forms encountered to date. and by whatever means accomplished, man achieved this position by being a thriving species.

this will only continue if man thrives not merely survives. mere survival is stagnation.

everyone and everything is capable of being the most of what they are. but this again falls into an area of 'acceptible' standards. what about the people who always strive to be all of what they are capable of ? and what about those who can excel beyond even them ?

it goes back to the standards:

there's the first level of organic function where everything is happening to it's own rhythm, there is no conducted symphony if you will.

next is controlled chaos where there is a direction. that is where events happen because they are decided to happen. there is a definite pulse to it, orchestrated.

next is errors or mistakes. this is when a conscious choices is made despite the facts. intention does not enter in.

appropriate is when two entities coordinate to achieve an acceptible goal. an example is when a tanker refuels a jet. both jockey for position and the drogue automagically slides itself the last few inches through a slope into the nozzle.

last is perfect. this is when the customized position matches the event so well that all points conform.

now these are all accepted _standards_. but what about _un_expected standards ? those emergency or unexpected conditions. how do you become prudent to plan ahead ?

as an example the patient went to see his father's land today. he rode a local transport system out and walked the rest of the way. the actual problems during the journey are reported elsewhere in this blog. but on the way out he saw one of the local transport vehicles pulling out from a house just up the street from him. now, how could he have forseen and prepared to take advantage of that ? it wasn't perfect, appropriate, or mistaken. it was organic. and that is his weakness.

i'm going to continue this in another post.

mary k

 

graveyards

can't tell much from these without markers can you ?


 

inhabited but not consecrated

the chapel has seen a lot of visitors but it's not as bad as reported. there's a few cooking pans that are new, but the barrels are from rev walker when he needed heat.
all the 4" x 10" lumber was hand sawn in the back yard and carried out to the hill on the fairlane, which had a tricky muffler.
he, rev walker, even had symbolism in the chapel windows
 

going to the chapel ...

this is a road onto the other side of the stone dam
this is where the actual stone dam could be seen if the vegatation was cleared. the patient's friends used to climb that dam in training for mountain climbing. of course the snakes added flavor
unique flat spot. no idea what goes there
 

around the pond

the resoution is too small, but there are all sorts of plastic bottles, shotgun shells, dead turtles, tires and such around the pond and the drain is clogged.


this is the chapel seen from across the pond 

the earthen wall

this was build before rev james took over maintenance of white's mill property. it was built to control possible flooding that the white's mill stone dam could not handle. unfortunately a sewer line was built along side it and the dam was dynamited. it was constructed with no mortar. after the blasting, it took masoners to rebuild it as was never the same.

there was a small pond up creek from the stone dam where ice skaters took their leisure. further up from the earthen dam is the pre-civil war graveyard.


one problem with having the sweage system go by the waterway is it's maintenance. the city, county, state and federal government are all responsible to a degree for preservation and maintenance of that system and surroundings. it's fallen to mrs walker to handle (for lack of a better word). at one time it was tenants in common with rev walker and his brother, now mrs walker has rev walker's half and his home.




as the government asserts their right of maintenance they find that the locks on the gate have been changed and only the patient and mrs walker have the keys. mrs walker has directed that tracy walker picks up the patient and gets a key made for their family.


when the city came by and wanted to go out, it was suggested that the patient simply go with them at 8:30 the next morning, chain their lock to mrs walker's and allow them access. they were to take their lock off when done. this seemed to be a kind and polite gesture and everyone seemed to accept. of course it wasn't put in writing.

next day the patient prepares to go out at the appointed time but no one shows up. he then waits until the next day and gets a ride out where he found the neighbors gate had been taken down and the second gate dented and the chain removed. after a friend advised him to call the sherriff, the city showed up expecting to proceed with their job. more trucks came back from inside mrs walker's property. the patient offered explanations that mrs walker could be contacted, even offering his cell phone. apparently they had gotten frustrated and confused at the terms mrs walker had set. on leaving one of the city workers offered an apology saying that they wouldn't be back until their supervisor and mrs walker come to an understanding. on the way out, the patient padlocked the gate back. 

wet lands

one side of the road is pine forest, one side is wet lands ...


 

after the sluiceway and up the road proper

originally this was all cut by hand with a band saw. usually the trees were no more than 4" and the road was mud. rev. james would save up enough to have gravel dust spread onto the road bed and the water conservation folks chipped in. before then he taught jimmy to drive an old '57 ford fairlane belonging to marjorie walker. the idea was to get enough power going down the sluiceway to have inertia up and cut hard right through the mud and slide.


up and to the right of the road here is where rev james allowed his son jimmy to tire himself out trying to build a log cabin out of pine 

sluice way

this is where the spill over, if it ever comes, is supposed to run. in 32 years it's been dry as a bone.

it's to be bush-hogged a few times per year


 

common areas

these are common areas the utilities and water conservation folks are reported to maintain