note 4.13.2006 19:06

jewel 'in the end, only kindness matters'

i wish i was able to do this years ago. the only problem i have is other people's inability to tolerate anything difference from themselves. yeah the law says yield to pedetrians, but unless you want to be foolish enough to step out in front of a semi, they aren't going to stop and let you by.

well, i'm no one's fool and i have always told the truth. as inconvient as it might have been. but i should have stood up back then and all the times before. not just because it was 'right' but because if i didn't then i wouldn't be able to do it when there was more at stake. it takes an act of faith to believe in doing something without permission or forgiveness simply because you believe in it. and can believe in it without blinking.

this isn't an explanation or excuse, just a statement. just like i called it over three years ago when things went sour. and it's time that everyone involved took responsibility for it. what i said and what i was told can be confirmed _now_ - the result. checkmate.

chess is just a game. implemented by humans with icons. to make decisive moves. opponents face to face.

well the rules are there, but it's really just individuals with all their foibles meeting.

i've been spring cleaning, waiting for my easter ...

notes 4.13.2006 17:52

this is what happens when you pop out the other side.

once interminable details logical decision now fullbodied reality where details skip by unnoticed. from steinbeck to ee cummings. colors purrrr.

notes 4.13.2006 10:17.2006

when you look at a cup with 5 oz water and 5 oz air do you think that it's only half full ? or can you think that you still have enjoyment from drinking the first 5 oz?

not a noble description of what you might have, a neutral description of what you do have or a romantic description of what you did have, but a reconnection of the memories of the past to impel you to think of the future. is that 'prudence' ?

notes 4.13.2006 09:58

bones, like strings, are straight and round

notes 4.13.2006 08:16

changing both meds cranked the accelerator down to a more comfortable rev. not yet time to shift gears. cigarettes now act as a cns depressant. the air is crisp and clean and cool.