patient's notes 4.06.2006 16:45

it feels like an electrical current is running through a copper rod driven down my back with a jackhammer still hammering it in. every decision is sweated through, literally. that is when i have to make a choice, especially when i don't know for certain the best of two options, my heart races and i sweat.

but i don't act out anymore.

in fact i try to follow steinbeck and detour rather than decide. of course a detour is really a decision, just not so hard. more like rounding a corner. the difference between slipstreaming and streamlining. where steinbeck achieves brilliance by evoking the slight image, i try to maintain dignity by what i don't say.

that's what makes it hard to worry about things like the inaction clause in my father's will. it's never specified what that means. the attorney won't talk to me until next month after the bills are past due, so i can't get the authority to have the authority.

so i have to approach the whole with a sense of humor and patience. i guess. what are the real options ?

every event has a trigger or crux event. like the memory to remember what we don't want to forget. it's also called bootstrapping. who was it that said 'give me a lever and a fulcrum and i can move the world' ?

the letters 'x' and 'y' are two excellent examples of how primal focus points are to humanity, even our optics are reliant on focal points. they are just levers of light. slipstreaming and streamlining are two ways of offloading resistance. by applying a beam to the correct fulcrum you can lever two points apart. usually the beam is inserted within the slipstream between the two points, so any movement away will meet resistance. be prepared to adjust fulcrum or force or abandon the effort all together.