journaler's notes 4.02.2006 21:18

resolution unearths facts leading to a decision. timing is the choice, judgement or control of when something is to be done.

the patient was just like an emotional pinball machine. going downstairs to fix himself dinner, he took more cookies to his mother in a gesture of conciliation. he found her huddled on the bed covered in a blanket. her voice was low and plaintive. he became convinced this time someone would have to listen.

he talked to her while his brain raced. "who can i call ?" he'd already called everyone at least once before and only one had ever called back. only a few had ever emailed. only a few ever called to check up on him.

as he "weebles" through this event his body responds raising his heartbeat, increasing his blood pressure and pumping chemicals into his bloodstream.

hopefully his medications will stabilize the "weebleness" cycling into a rhythm that will be subsumed into his natural rhythms. then he can start being rather than thinking. or at least once he after he corrects his cognative dyslexia he can allow himself to proceed to act without conscious correction.